Nebuchadnezzer journals
by Rhyssa Dragonlady
Summary: The Neb crewbies write journals at Morpheus's command, a few pages about humanity and their lives
1. Mouse

Hi, all. My first Matrix fic, and my first solo too. Here's the point, in case you don't want to read it: contrary to all the Mouse bio fics I've read, Mouse would never have had a real girlfriend. Seriously, why do you think he's the Matrix pimp? Because he couldn't be a pimp in the "real" world before he was unplugged. That simple. But now that I've told you the point, read it anyway and tell me what you think.

Morpheus wanted all of us on the Neb to write down something about ourselves, to keep a record of real humanity or whatever. So here's mine, the world according to Mouse. Maybe I should put down my real name, but I like Mouse better. It's who I am, the short little hacker. And I can be real quiet.

Anyway. I've always been a hacker, as long as I can remember anyway. I had this big old piece of junk computer in the Matrix as a kid, and that's where I spent my time. I was a pretty classic little nerd in school, but I was the kind you never wanted to turn your back on. I was crazy, and they knew it. It was sort of a power trip, because I had no real friends, no social status. I hung out with, you know, the d and d crowd, the builders of killer robots, the short, pathetic guys that no girl would look at twice. We were the misfits, the friendless. We had a sort of society of our own, some of us, but we were all misfits and loners.

Morpheus found me when I was in fifth grade, or someone did. I managed to hack into something they were doing on the net, snaring someone into freeing their mind. I was amazed, thrilled a little. It was like, _this_ was the real thing. I didn't know how right that was. Anyway, I can't explain really. I knew I was onto something, though. I think I scared Morpheus a little, getting into their stuff so easy. It wasn't an easy hack, though; I came up against this nasty privacy deal that hadn't been there before, and I just tried everything.

They told me about the Matrix a few days later, after I'd hacked in a few times more and made myself a nuisance. I guess they couldn't really free me yet; it would make big problems if a fifth-grader vanished straight out of the world mid-year. They gave me the blue pill/red pill treatment that summer.

I didn't have all the disbelief problems most people have coming out. I had some – I guess that's inevitable – but I'd had a while still inside to get used to the idea and I was steeped enough in d and d culture to deal well with strangeness. That's what I think, anyway. I don't think I caused the Neb crew much trouble, either – they could take their time getting to me, not alerting any Agents or getting into trouble.

I met the rest of the crew – Switch, Apoc, Trinity, Zypher, Tank, and Dozer. I'm still the youngest and newest crewbie. I've seen Zion, of course – grew up a little there, before I could convince Morpheus to let me back on the Neb. They didn't think a little sixth grade kid could be any help on the Neb, and that I would only be in danger. Morpheus, he don't like putting people in danger. Just himself, when he thinks he'll help one of us by putting himself where he'll get killed. We all follow him for it, like he was some mythic commander in a long-ago medieval war – the kind whose followers would be willing to die for him because he would be willing to die for them. I can't really explain it, but he's a good guy.

There was another crewbie, too – she got too close to an agent and died. She called herself Ki – the key to Zypher's code. She was Zypher's girl, kickass like Trin or Switch but kinder; she treated me like she was my mother or my favorite aunt when I needed comfort. He's been depressed and moody since – she was so good for him and now she's gone; he's started to doubt, to hate Morpheus a little though he doesn't say it. I have to write something for her here, because she can't write for herself. She's a big part of that humanity that Morph wants to record. So here's my tribute to her, and I wish I could do something more but I can't.

I've started writing programs for Morph, too – training programs. I wrote a lady in red just recently – a beautiful lady in a flashy red dress who turns into an agent, to scare any new trainees witless. She's nothing like Ki or Trin or anybody, but a honey-blonde fashion model type. Then she turns into Agent Smith, who is a pretty big bad; he leads the Agents. I've written some others and some just for myself.

I mostly like it on the Neb. I like the company, I like the idea, I like the job. It sometimes gets crazy – you know, cabin fever – when we're locked down and frozen, and sometimes it's real stressful – like trying to get someone out of the matrix before locking down and freezing. And the food is bad. But we get to do a lot of things that coppertops never get to, go anywhere in the world – "world" – make up and go to places that never really existed, all sorts of things.

I think that I really believe in the cause. Not like Morpheus does, without reservation and to the last breath like he does. But I think it's the best cause possible – free all of humanity from the machines. Not just some little group of people, or some obscure species of whale – they're all gone now anyway, at least that anyone knows of – but everyone. Give me liberty, as they say.

AN:  I might write more later, though I don't think Mouse would keep much of a running journal. It all depends on you, oh good reader, and whether you think it is worthwhile. I might do someone else, if I watch the Matrix enough to get into someone else's psyche enough to write for them. Maybe Tank, maybe be ambitious and do Morpheus. Now there's a steady journal type, fun fun.


	2. Tank

Another attempt at journal writing for Matrix characters. An attempt at a different writing style for a new character, though I'll probably mess it up or something. Just so you know, Ki is in no way a self-insert (ew, Zypher?), just a plot device. Read and review; all flames will be used to burn my school books.

Thanks so much, you guys who reviewed, I am so happy! You guys made my really bad day into a really good one…ok, I'll stop babbling and get on with the story.

Hello, my name is Tank. I serve aboard the Nebuchadnezzer to free humanity from the Matrix. Morpheus said to write a journal to remember humanity by in these days, so here goes. My brother Dozer and I were born in Zion, the only human city left. We're some of the only old-fashioned variety home-grown human beings in the world, which is kind of crazy to think about. We both joined Morpheus's crew on the Neb a few years ago. I don't really know why Dozer joined. They could've used someone who could get into the Matrix with them more. I joined because he did, cause he's my big brother. They used us though, or Morpheus did. Dozer keeps the old Neb going, and I act as operator for them when they go in. That means I figure out their exits for them and it's my job to get them out safe. I haven't got the best track record, I don't guess. I try though, I try my goddam hardest to get them out every time. The Agents are too fast, too strong.

I've never actually been in the Matrix, of course. I can't. I don't have the holes, so I can't plug in. It's a good trade-off, Morpheus says, because I don't ever have to go up against Agents. I wish that I could, though, because I'm so safe while everyone else is in danger. And I can't ever try any of the programs I write, so if I write a glitch then someone else is in danger testing it.

I've been on the Neb a long time now – not as long as Morpheus, or some of the others, but a long time. I've had a few good friends die on me. Ki was the most recent. She was in the Matrix with everybody but me and Dozer. They were trying to get someone out. He's working in Zion now. He's a good kid, worth freeing. He wasn't worth Ki, but it's not him that killed her. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it was mostly mine. I couldn't get her to the exit in time. An agent –

That's all you need to know. An agent, an agent, and you know what happened. I want it to end soon, I want to find the One so we can get out of this terrible life. I want it over. I want to live in Zion happily ever after. I want everyone to be happy except the machines that don't know what it means anyway.

A day later. Everyone's happy today, for once. It's a party. It's not much, here on the Neb. We couldn't get back to Zion because we've been locked down a few days. Morpheus had some real wine, made by one of his friends in Zion in his free time. He kept in his room for an emergency or really special occasion. He said that this was special enough, since we couldn't go back to Zion for the real party. It's Freedom Day today, the day that the first free mind woke up. It's the only big holiday we have, and the celebration in Zion is huge. Here on the Neb we are having a good time too. For once, we have something better than Zypher's engine cleaner to drink and something better than the matrix to think about.

Morpheus gave a toast – "To finding the one!" We cheered, everyone touched glasses, and drank the real human-made wine.

AN: I don't think this is as good as the other chapter, but tell me what you think. And tell me who you want to see next.


	3. Apock

The problem with watching the Matrix again is that it leaves me in much more a go-blow-things-up mood than a write-an-introspective-journal-from-Apock's-pov mood, but that's what I am attempting to do. While listening to ska and studiously avoiding math homework…very fun.

I'm taking a few liberties with Apock, and if you don't like it tell me so in a review. I had to have one introspective one, and because Apock doesn't talk much but when he does he has a remarkable record on complete, well-thought-out comments, I picked him. Also because Narchannen Fae will bludgeon me to death if I don't do Apock. She'll probably bludgeon me to death anyway; if she hasn't asked you if she can kill you, then you probably don't want to know.

Ok, at last on to the story. As always, read and review; all flames will be added to the explosion in the elevator, with the bomb and the comment about there is no spoon. Mmm, explosions…

Discovered in Apock's personal files, a file saved as record 2. A different version was given to Morpheus at the time.

I am Apock, epoch, a great era. Yes. It was rather more funny at the time. I live aboard the Nebuchadnezzer, and I work in the matrix. It is at the behest of my commander Morpheus that I write this, on behalf of all the free people in the world. At this time, there are not many of us. We believe it is near the turn of the twenty-third century; population outside the matrix numbers in the mere hundreds. All of them, or in a few cases their parents, were freed by crews of ships like the Nebuchadnezzer. That is our job, my job, to free minds.

To speak for humanity, the best would be to speak of them. The only way I can manage is to speak of the others on board the Nebuchadnezzer and to speak of those I have seen passing through, though I do not know any of them enough to write of them.

I am Apock, as I have said. My real name, my name in the matrix world, is irrelevant. I am, as are all of us, a skilled computer programmer and hacker; I am also a poet of sorts and I like to write whenever I have the time. I was born in Tibet to an affluent family; I attended American schools for most of my life but I am still Tibetan. I was freed as a university student in America, learning about computers and about literature. I doubt I was missed for long.

Morpheus was the one who freed me and all the others. Morpheus is the valorous, the wise, the great commander of men, he who believes and so makes others to believe. He does not understand hesitance or the peculiar breed of doublethink that lets men hold a thought, a belief, at distance and so not truly believe. Morpheus is too the showman, the thralling voice and inexorable motions that convince us all that this is real. As a commander he is reclusive, letting us form our own friendships, as a good commander does, though he is a friend and a father to all of us.

To extend the metaphor of a family, Dozer is the elder brother. He is quiet, utterly loyal, and seems essential to the ship. Without him I believe we would fall apart; he is a comfort, a steady rock to cling to. He holds Tank steady, keeps Zypher from driving everyone crazy, keeps Trin and my dear Switch from fighting like cats.

Tank is Dozer's little brother, our operator. He's the only cheery one on the ship. He believes as much as Morpheus does; he was born steeped in the culture of Zion and does not have the guile to doubt. He is honest and true, and I fully believe that he would give his life for anyone.

Trinity has been on the Neb longer than anyone but Morpheus; she is our older sister in the crew family. She's good – smart on her feet, smart in the matrix, and fast enough to get away every time. She was one of the best hackers ever before she was freed, famous for a few jobs she did. Now she says only that they were a long time ago. She has a big destiny, like Morpheus; it's obvious if you know how to look. I do not know what it is, or even how I know except by looking at her. We all have a destiny on this ship; the air fairly crackles with it. These are interesting times to live in, as Tank believes. I am troubled – there is an old curse among the Chinese that says, "May you live in interesting times." Westerners are confused by this being a curse, but I understand it. I am rambling on and on, but I do not believe I will turn this in to Morpheus in any case; I write too much of my fellow crewmen.

I haven't spoken yet of Mouse, the little one, though he is the most noticeable of our group. He talks the most, plays courier whenever anything happens and keeps everyone entertained when we're locked down or something. He's the epitome of a hacker, too – a skinny kid with fingerless gloves and a sharp face. He's the only one of us that found Morpheus before Morpheus found him – he hacked into a first-contact Morpheus was trying to do on someone else. It scared Morpheus, then convinced him for a while that the kid was The One, but he's not. Mouse is a brilliant hacker, but he can't carry it into the mind and into his reality the way the One will.

Then there is Zypher, a person as closed on himself as his name says. He is worse since Ki – kind, altruistic Ki – died, but he has always been secretive and dangerous. I do not trust him at all, though I know too little to tell Morpheus. He has turned away from what we fight for, and he has begun not to care much. He's gone hard inside and cold. He's seen too much to believe and had too many people die, and he can't handle it. He was never very strong to begin with, though very brave and a very good fighter. Perhaps it is only that I do not like him; maybe that is the only reason I doubt him. I do not like him because he has no moral code that I can find, does not live by his honor or any human dignity. He'll chase after any girl, and even delude himself to think himself in love with her. With Ki, it may've been real, but he has chased after Trin and my beloved Switch as well. He drinks too much, though for that I can not blame him. When he has free time he spends it in one of his own programs playing violent games or who knows what else.

Switch; last but never, ever least. She is as good or better in the Matrix than Trin, stronger and smarter, though it may be my bias talking. She hates the Matrix and the machines more than anyone does; she hates being deceived and takes each person locked in the Matrix as a blow to her personal dignity. She has a soul and mind like burgundy flame, dark but as strong and powerful as a blast furnace. When faced with a metaphorical brick wall she takes a blowtorch to melt a hole through it, while others would climb it or bash their heads against it or, as I believe I would, try to find a gate. It's amazingly efficient.

That's all of us on the Neb. There was also Ki, but she is gone now, I hope to a better place than this blasted world of fear and chains, guns and Agents. There is nothing really to be said for conclusion, so enough here and an end.

AN: Sorry if I completely destroyed someone's character, but this is how I see them really. If you don't like it, tell me so. If you want to flame me, do so because my schoolbooks are still disastrously un-charred.

Has anyone else read the book Snow Crash? Random, yes, but I was thinking about hackers and the book came to mind. Read it; it'd be great to do fanfics about.


	4. Zypher

Okay, okay, Zypher. Btw, to J. Scorpion, Apock should by rights be Epoch, I think. Spelling is creative, it seems. In any case, I am assured by a greater fan than myself that Zypher is the spelling they use on web sites. And I know well that it's not zephyr, thus the switch in vowels which changes the whole pronunciation.

Sorry about the loooong lapse in writing, been concentrating on fictionpress stuff and, gasp, life offline. But just recently saw the new Matrix and got two new reviews (thanks guys) and so must write again.

Morpheus says, write a journal. So I, Zypher, best hacker in or out of the matrix, write a journal. And here it is.

Don't let whatever Morpheus writes fool you. All of humanity isn't like him. All of humanity doesn't believe like he does. We're not all crazy Zionists, ready to give our lives for the cause. Not all of us even want our "freedom." I think that ignorance really is bliss. I gave up so much, so much, because Morpheus really convinced me that his real world was worth fighting for. He really had me going. But I've wised up since then, and this rabbit hole hasn't got any exits. There's no way out of the real world, brothers and sisters. There's no way out of our so-called freedom. They haven't even got any real drugs out here. It's not the lap of luxury, like the matrix was by comparison. It's quite the opposite. And if you get out, you can't ever go back. You can try, but then the Agents track you down, and they get you like they got Ki and countless others before her.

Oh, Ki, my love, my darling, the only thing that made life out here bearable for me. She was the perfect girl, if you can believe it. But Morpheus "freed" her. If she'd stayed in the Matrix, she'd be imprisoned but she'd be alive. She'd be out there, somewhere, and happy. But she got caught up in Morpheus's dream, and it killed her. Tank couldn't get her out in time, and the Agents killed her. I was watching the Matrix over his shoulder when she died, because he'd pulled me out just seconds before. I didn't see her die. I saw those awful green symbols rushing past, and then Tank just broke down, and she was dead.

I've figured out a lot of things since then. Morpheus, he's on a crusade of his own. He fights and he fights and he never considers that maybe he's fighting for the wrong thing, for the wrong side. He believes but he doesn't question, and it's gotten like the blind leading the blind around here. He should ask what the coppertops – what a stupid name for them – really want, and don't wrap it up in this Alice forever searching bullshit. Let them see what it's like out here, and then give them the choice. I think that most of humanity's like me – we choose decadence, we choose luxury, we choose comfort, and we don't really care whether we're free or not. It's a romantic idea, a powerful idea, and all that, and anyone will believe in it, but it's not really what we want.

See, captivity is and always has been tolerated. The slaves – they were content enough until people told them what they were missing. I don't mean that they shouldn't have been told – I'm not any sort of racist – but it is only because they were missing out on a better world that slavery was such a bad thing, right? Then they were free, and they told themselves they were happier being free. It's just a pride thing, a consolation prize. Freedom doesn't keep you alive when the whole world is burned out and dead, and all the people you know are crusaders or killed by 'em. The world the "coppertops" are missing out on is a whole lot worse than anything in the Matrix. There's nothing doing except fighting this stupid, pointless, wrong war against computer programs that can never be beat.

No, I don't guess I believe in Morpheus's beloved prophecy. I don't see how I could. We're intelligent adults around here. Surely we've outgrown all those messiah myths. It's sheer insulting to people that believe in a real messiah – Jesus save us. And the rest – well, they see right through that whole God thing, right, that's what they think? So why can't they see through this bullshit that Morpheus has been feeding us to make us fight harder and hold out longer? There's no hope, none at all, for this goddamn Cause, and they just won't see it. They refuse to see it. They just take the mumbo-jumbo old Oracle gives them and run with it. Not that it matters to me. If there is some Chosen One, and this is a big if, then he'll just be the final step in this master plan for humanity that never asks humanity what it wants. If he can beat out the Agents, which won't happen, he'll just ruin the lives of the rest of humanity, and that'll be just plain peachy all round. It's almost funny, but it makes me sick.

I feel real bad for all of them, here on the Nebuchadnezzar. Great name, great lesson for us, all about human arrogance. Ha. Poor Morpheus, so buried in his own lies that he can't see the truth though the evidence is all around him. Poor Trinity, beautiful Trinity, trusts him like a daddy though he leads us all so wrong. She just refuses to see because she thinks that doubting beloved Daddy Morpheus would hurt him so much. Poor Switch, having her emotions played with so much. She's just angry all the time, he's screwed with her head real good. Poor Apock, thinks he's a poet, thinks he's in love with pretty Switch, thinks he's fighting for a noble cause though he doesn't want to be immodest and say so. Poor Mouse, can't bring his two sides together – Morpheus is his Daddy, and he's a real geek so he loves this crusade stuff, and he's grown up so long out here that he doesn't even want to go back; but he can't really believe, he's a doubter and cynic born. He's just crying out for true faith in their goddamn circus prophecy, but he can't quite find it no matter how much he wants to. Poor Tank and Dozer, though only God or the One know what Dozer thinks about. They've never even been in the Matrix. They don't know anything but this primitive existence outside. And it tears Tank up so much, makes him hurt so bad, whenever he loses somebody to the Agents. Poor Ki, dead in this war. Poor Zypher, hahahahaha, missing his Ki, not believing, hating this outside world and this supposed freedom. Poor Zypher, the only one in this madhouse who can admit to looking out the windows and seeing what it's like to not crusade, and seeing that it's better. Poor, poor crewbies, ha.


End file.
